This is the first of what I hope will be many posts from our son – age 17. I am proud of him and I think it is easy as a gay parent to forget that our kids have views that are all their own. I am proud of all my kids’ views.
Here is his:
This is probably going to be a pretty edgy post with some ideas that not everyone will agree with but the main point, is that this post is by no means fact; it is just the truth that I have come to know in my life.
My mom told me to write about anything equality related so I’m going to write about the idea of equality in general, mainly the fact that equality is such a fascinating idea to toy with because it doesn’t exist. I don’t mean just like in our society but I mean the “idea” just doesn’t exist. Equality has never existed, it doesn’t exist today, and it won’t exist in the future. I’m sure that’s not exactly what people want to hear on a blog about equality but it isn’t as scary as it seems.
Every person is unique and thus inherently unequal. The most we can do is lessen the inequality or help people know that it exists. No matter how much we advocate for equality no one will ever be completely equal to another and that is just a truth that I believe. Through my experiences as the son of a gay mom I have learned some things that I hold to be truths. This doesn’t mean that I am right and it doesn’t mean I am wrong because there are millions of truths and every person has their own. For many of us, our truths can be polar opposite each other and it doesn’t mean either of us is wrong it just means that we are different.
Some of the people I get along with best in my life are those who have had completely opposite viewpoints than me. We are able to acknowledge each other’s truths and understand how our life’s circumstances would cause us to feel that way. I think the point of equality is being able to be comfortable in our own truths and differences and not feel like we have to hide them.
My mom came out 7 years ago, and as the son of a gay mom I have spent seven years of my life hiding my truths from others, I have distanced myself from friends thinking they would not accept me, and I have run from the ideas I know that I believe in. This is no reality any child, family or person should have to experience. I have lived a life for the past seven years in which I have felt that I am the only one with inequalities. That my truths are the only ones that actually mean something, but I don’t know if that is fair.
I’m a senior in high school, I walk the halls and I see people and wonder what their inequalities are because I know everyone has them. When I look at people, I know that they have inequalities that I don’t know and I have inequalities that they don’t know and within our inequalities we are inherently unequal.
I’m not trying to preach some “don’t judge a book by its cover bullshit”, cause trust me, I think some people are just as bad a read as the cover they have, all I’m saying is that people are inherently different and we don’t always know why on the surface level.
The point is that everyone is unequal it’s what you do with that inequality that actually matters. So as I walk those halls, I hate myself for the secrets that no one will ever ask. But we can’t be a society that is equal (unless we want to adopt communism which I don’t think is happening) because if we were a society that was equal there would be no diversity in it. There will always be a minority, there will always be wealth inequality, there will always be political ideals, there will always be culture, there will always be different home environments and these things will never change.
So the question isn’t whether we should try to achieve equality because that is an absolutely futile mission. The real mission should be to bridge the gap between the people who know different truths and inequalities. Our mission should be to become a society of people that does not judge each other for the things we could never know about them. That way, no person ever has to feel like they have to hide or feel hated.